The Cancer Of Compartmentalisation

We have a tendency in our society to look at one issue in isolation, as though it is separate and can be fixed on its own. Like the #Metoo movement and then separately men’s mental health; obesity and diabetes, but we don’t connect doing exercise and not eating high fructose corn syrup-laced processed foods; we’re upset about childhood depression yet we want more childcare facilities. And I’m not even going to mentioned the circular arguments like vaccines and gun control (oops did I just mention that?)

We have become a symptom-addicted society and we attempt to solve each one of these issues in isolation. This society operates in a way that is opposite to what we actually already know is the truth – if you heal a symptom, it will simply manifest in another form until you treat and heal the CAUSAL ISSUE.

I get a sense we’ve forgotten this known truth

There are many and varied reasons for that, including but not limited to

- being taught not to trust your self knowledge, and instead refer to someone else’s opinion who is more ‘expert’ than you;

- listening to the ‘experts’ (via the television and commercial radio) tell you what is good for you and not good for you;

- go where you are told you ‘should’ be going in life and where you ‘shouldn’t’

It’s like we were given a GPS upon going to school that we’ve taken through life, filling up with everyone else’s coordinates, yet none of our own.

Then there is the development of the life compartmentalisation paradigm, bred by psychiatry and modern day business (or should I say busy-ness) that says you can be one thing in one part of your life and be something different in another, separate, part.

As if you are Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Well, that's what many have become. And it’s eating away at our souls.

All issues on the globe can be traced back to common issues we face - we've become DISCONNECTED.

So I buy my kids presents when I'm away, thinking this will give them the love my absence has not. We forget it's our presence the child truly desires! Or we believe we're with our child, but we're not really. We're answering texts, thinking about what has to be done or reading social media.

“I send my kids to a 'good' school (read expensive) because that will get them ahead in life”, not realising the school system was developed by the Prussians nearly two centuries ago to train factory workers and soldiers. Yet the quality most employers want right now is proactive, thinking people willing to take the initiative and this is NOT on the curriculum in most schools.

In Australia the biggest killer of men aged between 15-44 yo is suicide. So we scream for suicide awareness campaigns, not realising that the next advertisement is all about "Real Men Don't Hit!!" and that this campaign is utilising shaming language. SHAME and GUILT are the underlying wounds harboured by most who take their own life. And interestingly enough, the same wounds are held by perpetrators of domestic violence and sexual abuse.

My experience over the last 14 years, running youth leadership programs has seen young people scared to make decision and struggle to set self direction. These are two key ingredients for depression.

They ask me at the age of 16 when we are in the bush "Can I please go to the toilet?", even funnier (or maybe not) “Where can I go to the toilet?” To which I respond - "You're 16, so I'm gathering you've got this far in life, you know how to go to the toilet. If you are being respectful in letting me know you're excusing yourself to go to the toilet, I really appreciated that; but please never ask me, or anyone else if you can go to the toilet.” And then we have a great discussion about SELF AWARENESS and RESPECT of self.  

It may appear like a trivial issue, but it highlights my point of compartmentalisation.

IT'S NOT ABOUT TAKING A PISS!!!!!!

It's about grounded self confidence, exercised in a respectful manner that considers themselves and others.

It's about not needing to please others.

It's about having the emotional and bodily awareness of what these two elements of self are communicating.

"Oh, hold on a minute James - please don't talk that EMOTIONAL RUBBISH again. We're creating a bunch of pussies in our youth because we're wrapping them in cotton wool!"

To which I wholeheartedly AGREE.

But again, because there is no understanding of what 'assumptions and presumptions' are in our language anymore, the above statement infers the link has been made that EMOTIONAL LITERACY = HELICOPTER PARENTING.

IT DOES NOT!!

Emotional Literacy recognises the SUPPRESSED EMOTIONS IN A PARENT, which causes them to be over controlling in the way they parent, ie. putting their child in cotton wool. Example: you insist they carry a mobile phone everywhere so you know where they are, yet you get frustrated that the child spends so much time on their phone, or you get annoyed that the internet usage is evaporating, or the phone bill is so high. Do you forget you didn’t have one as a child and some how managed to be okay?

By the way, neuro-developmental studies are showing too much screen time does hinder brain development.

Emotional Literacy is key to us understanding we have supplanted a faith in God, or higher Being, with a faith in Money. Money rules and those in power simply use money to rule.

Emotional Literacy is key to understanding when:

- perfectionism is killing my relationship or work productivity; I have a tendency to run from emotionally hard situations, yet that has nothing to do with me being on my third wife;

- I don't like having hard conversations, but why do my personal boundaries always get crossed?;

- I seem to always get bullied, yet I don’t acknowledge my own behaviour in a bullying situation.

And the list goes on.

So where do we start?

I understand Complex Creative Systems and how influence on one part effects the system as a whole. But, so many people get caught in the complexity instead of elevating themselves to a point where they can observe the patterns and key point of influence where simplicity appears.

Bilbo Baggins (The Hobbit) climbed to the top of the trees when all the stronger, larger dwarves were drunk in the atmosphere of the forest. In doing so he not only saw the direction they needed to go, but also the imminent threat approaching.

So we all can be Bilbo by starting to look honestly and courageously at our own lives. For it is these that affect our children and family the most – NOT DONALD TRUMP!!!!

Where am I being Fake?

Where am I putting money over happiness?

Where do I believe money will get me happiness?

Where am I running from an emotionally hard situation in life?

Where do I need to just stop and reassess what is truly important to me?

How can I improve my emotional literacy?

What’s one thing I can do today that will make someone else’s life easier? For we reap that which we sow.

It’s time to have a look at our life, not just a part of it, for it’s all connected.

And if you’ve woken up to this fact and aren’t currently taking action in line with your understanding. Good luck. Because right now, you are probably finding life quite hard going. The great news is you actually know what you need to do, all you have to do is have the courage to do it. And the even better news is, you’ve got plenty of courage, otherwise you would not have made it this far.

Being a Combat Team Commander in Iraq in charge of the coalition military forces within one of their provinces back in 2007, gave me what I now understand to be a mind blowing realisation: Iraqi people for such a simple society are so complex; Western society for such a complex way of life, is so simple.

In essence, PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY is the key and that starts with empowering ourselves with the biggest tool in the tool box – Emotional Literacy.

Big love